So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
