that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills