The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?