I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.