didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
