Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
