then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
