I will die if light touches me.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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