Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
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You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
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So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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