So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just high enough for therapy.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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