Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
