I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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