So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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