Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
