I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
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i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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