There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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