oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
