these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
