Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
