my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
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I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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