There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
