Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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