Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
