i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
