I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
