My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
