I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
