Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
