Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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