Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
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I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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