did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
