She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
