I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
