so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
