Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
