Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
