Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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