Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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