I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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