I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
