Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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