Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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