He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
