goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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