I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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