Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
