i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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