I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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