even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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