just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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