She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
