You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
