I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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