I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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