My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
