Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
