anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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