I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
