I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
