I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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