You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
