final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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