worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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