Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
