i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
