we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
